April 27, 2013

It's all in the delivery

So here lately I've had some interesting run-ins with the local delivery systems of nowhere, Alabama.

Let's start off by asking the question of why the post office of nowhere, Alabama closes at 3:45pm? Not 3pm. Not 4pm. Not even 3:30pm. But the sign on the door literally says 3:45pm. When I first moved here and got to the post office one day at 4pm, I just thought that was the strangest thing ever.

Even stranger - my rural mail carrier's delivery habits. Apparently out in the country, you're expected to come get your own mail if the package doesn't fit in your mailbox or if you must sign for it. And I don't mean at the post office. My mail carrier pulls up in my driveway around noon when she has a package for me and lays on her car horn

honnnnnnkkkk, honk, honk, honk

Well yup, that woke up the welcoming committee, appreciate that. Being the classy lady I am, I don't respond to car horns. That's like a someone whistling at me like you would a dog and expecting me to come a-running. No thank you! So I continue to lay snuggled up in my bed cringing through all the dogs barking and howling. So she lays on the car horn again.

honnnnnnnnkkkk, honk, honk

Nope, still not getting up (does that make me lazy, stubborn or both?) So she eventually gets out of the car and leaves my package (and mail) on my porch steps (practically on my sidewalk). Just put everything in plain view of the busy road, no worries. 

Which leads me to the next incident. Awhile back I got 2 boxes delivered to my house that were not mine. I was running out the house (late, ha! go figure) on my way to a bridal shower one Saturday and was like, whoa, I didn't order anything. I checked the shipping label and sho nuff, the address was a mere 900 off. What was I supposed to do with it?

I checked with the neighbor just to make sure it wasn't hers (our houses are new and I didn't know what her address was) and nope, not hers either. So I left them by my door & told myself I would try to find their rightful owner the next day.

The next day it was pouring buckets and I wasn't about to try to locate the boxes' rightful owner (hey, if delivery guy couldn't find it, what makes me think I could find it in the pouring rain?) And it just so happened I was running late for work Monday... Tuesday... and Wednesday and didn't get the chance to find the right house or take it to the post office (before 3:45pm).

Wednesday night I came home and one of the boxes was missing! Oh shit! Someone had janked (yes, that's a real word) one of the boxes straight off my front porch! I felt absolutely horrible. I guess I should've brought the boxes inside, but it didn't feel right since they weren't mine, and what if the company had come back for them (they could've done that, right?) I thought people only got packages stolen around Christmas. Or in the city. Or just not me.

So I brought the other box inside. Holy cow. Well this is why they didn't steal them both, that sucker weighed a zillion pounds! I got it right inside my front door & all I could smell was the awful stench of male cat. Great.

So now what? I could try to deliver the box to the right house, but now I'm missing one. I doubt they could get their missing stuff reshipped that way (pr they would believe my crazy story).  I could call UPS (was it even UPS that delivered it?) and tell them I swear I didn't steal the other box and here is the second box to prove it even though it was delivered nearly a week ago? (you would totally believe that, right?) I guess it was worth a shot.  I will call them in the morning (since I work nights, I brought the cat-stank-box inside at 2am)

I get ready for work and head through my living room and see this:

Fan-freakin-tastic. Now cat-stank-box has been chewed into on both sides by one of the dogs (you would think I don't feed these mutts). There is cardboard all over my floor. You can actually see straight into the box, but I am so horrified I don't even look.

I'm pretty sure I don't even have an explanation anymore for a week old shipment with one box missing and one box chewed up.

Has anyone else received a package meant for someone else?  What did you do with it? 

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